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The Princess Versus The Feminist
Who Says Men Need to Get Married to be Happy?
Alana says:
December 4, 2014 at 8:57 am
On the topic of generalised vs more specific types of confidence (eg confidence with women) and which types men vs women focus on, a related point is I’ve read some pple on Evan’s blog (who apparently read it from some other ‘rship experts’) who said that women tend to prefer more general compliments whereas men respond more to specific compliments.
I don’t know how true that is, but I have to admit that for myself, I do prefer general compliments. I prefer hearing “you’re so beautiful” than “you have such pretty eyes”, or “you’re smart” than “you’re quite good at such-and-such-a-thing”…So I’m guessing there may be some truth to the statement that men prefer specific compliments. I’ve tried to make more specific compliments to the guy I’m dating, when possible.
Btw I agree with those who’ve said that that generalised, internal confidence can be consciously increased. Just recently I’d tried to give advice to a very insecure woman on Evan’s blog (v high anxiety in her attachment style, to the point that it was kinda surreal for me) and had done some reading on the topic, and I believe u can get on those good cycle of being more confident, but u need to make conscious changes (which unfortunately insecure pple sometimes don’t dare to do) to get out of that vicious cycle with self-fulfilling prophecies.
I know some guys here seem a bit scornful of that generalised confidence, but I’ve had it to a high degree since mid-teens and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. It allows for quite a tremendous resilience; it helps in dating but also in so many other ways. I think some of the guys here who say they don’t really have alot of it may still have it in a moderate degree; if u have a very low amount of it, I believe it’s a huge disadvantage. Also, maybe I’m confused about the definitions, but it seems to me that both types of confidence would interact to some extent.